Alia and Ranbir Wedding

         

If there’s one thing I can’t stand about weddings, it’s when the bride’s cousin walks across the aisle to get his own spouse. She has no idea what she will ever be, and she may never be able to marry him. But that’s not exactly an uncommon situation, as with every marriage of course, but in this case the problem is not even with this couple, it's with their family. Her mother doesn’t know her son well. His father didn’t make a very good impression on her when he was alive. He’s basically been absent from nearly every aspect of her life since she was little.

This isn’t just something that can happen when we have someone whom we marry into our lives, nor does it just happen when someone dies unexpectedly and takes away all the time he had with us. The lack of time doesn’t just apply to children, too. Often people who are grieving the loss of a loved one often find that they have to do so at a cost of more than they would like to have to. In addition to the obvious financial costs of losing them and having to move out of home, some of these people might end up missing out on some important moments and events. It’s why things like anniversary celebrations and funerals are sometimes quite difficult for everyone involved.

Ranbir Singh Bittuwala has had to live without the love and support that she never received from her elder brother, Aliyaa Khan, and is still dealing with that feeling of loss in her life. At the same time, Alia has had to deal with the loss of both a sister and a mother. No matter how hard she tries, she cannot help her sisters take over their mother duties. Although Alia took care of her sister, and although she feels guilty that she hasn’t taken care of either of them too well in years, Alia still finds herself struggling around them. These two girls are almost 20 years apart, which makes it especially difficult for Alia to be with them anymore. Sometimes, you know, you wish you could be a part of someone else’s journey. You hope that they take some measure of comfort in you. When Alia tells me about her sisters, my heart sinks. Even though she says she misses them dearly, they take such a step back from her life. They don’t want her to go through the pain she has already gotten used to. She wants to stay with them, but she hasn’t made the most of being by themselves. How many times have we told ourselves this is unfair? We keep telling ourselves that the world does not revolve around us. That is not truth. We still struggle with that in our lives and it’s okay. Life is precious and we shouldn’t lose sight of that.

Although Alia and Ranbir are trying their hardest to stay together, they really need each other. Their sister Abhiyaa, their mom, Karima, their parents, just everyone needs to understand that both girls have gone through so much before it’s impossible for them to be together in many ways. One of those measures of intimacy needs might be spending money on food and gifts instead of their own food and gifts. There are a lot of people who aren’t willing to donate a significant amount out of pocket, but Alia doesn’t have that option. She is going to face so much and it will be impossible for her to let anyone down. It’ll break her heart because she knows that she won’t be able to be present for her daughter for much longer. Alia is now making arrangements to travel back to Karachi with her husband, Imran, and she is doing everything she can to try to bring her sister and her son together. Just when I thought she might give up completely on this, the wedding happened.

Alia and Anis were married when Anis was 15 and Alia was 12. I remember when Anis started talking to Salman, he asked, “How old is your brother?” Salman looked down at Alia and said, “He is 16.” Then, when Salman said she wasn’t of age to run off and marry someone who she barely knew, Alia replied, “He doesn’t know that yet.” While Alia was probably making a decent wage for 18-year-old Alia who only knows basic English, Alia was pretty spoiled, even then. She was always happy—at least she thought she was. Alia was pretty lucky to find someone like Salman who understood not only what Alia wanted, but also what she needed out of a relationship. Alia was a sweetheart to Salman after he met her in college. After they went on dates, he promised Alia that he would love her forever. He wouldn’t stop until she died, which didn’t occur for long. Alia was living with Salman and there was nothing that he couldn’t do or say to help her feel loved. Eventually, Alia died when she was 28, and Salman and Alia were at once close, but not loving.

Alia and Ranbir are certainly getting along great with each other, and it’s clear from the way they look it’s that they got hitched on a good day. But despite this they are clearly not taking things seriously when they come to a dinner or dinner or anything other than a quick conversation. Maybe it’s because Alia and Ranbir weren’t taught the importance of proper conduct at early ages, or maybe it’s because they weren’t taught how to be friends with others instead of just hanging out at school or partying. Either way, Alia and Ranbir have a great history together. Their friendship goes back way further than they think, and they make each other laugh all the time. I am so thankful for that, knowing how important this is to them. As Alia said, “We were a team the first time. A team is when people think things through carefully and know what the other person wants.”

Even if Alia and Ranbir are getting along great, I want to remind you that even though this seems like it to them, Alia and Ranbir did the planning, I guess the saying goes, once in a while you meet up with the perfect package, you don’t want to open it. This is the reason I believe they don’t ever leave one another. This couple is definitely in love, even though they didn’t know why. And I truly hope that, at the end of the day, they will find each other again.